Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Television Quotes

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out...

Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out...

Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them

Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.