Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
Quote by Carrie Snow
No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang...
A push up bra is like a bag of chips; you open the bag and...
Changing your life is like a diet, most people fail in the first week.
Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...
An age at which many men are not quite common - at which they are...
Starbucks really isn't that expensive...after you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup.
Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to...
I thought coq au vin was love in a lorry.
You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions
I don't care how many warnings I get, I am still going to eat raw...
I really like to have sweet people around me. I can't stand bad asses. There's...
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so...
Mosquitos remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as...
Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.
Playing a fun drinking game called: Girl alone with her cat.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.