Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Death Quotes, Funny Quotes

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

Individual character involves honoring and embracing certain core ethical values; honesty, respect, responsibility . ....

Individual character involves honoring and embracing certain core ethical values; honesty, respect, responsibility . ....

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999...

Nothing recedes like success.

Nothing recedes like success.

The most expensive habit in the world is celluloid, not heroin, and I need a...

The most expensive habit in the world is celluloid, not heroin, and I need a...

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

I venerate old age; and I love not the man who can look without emotion...

I venerate old age; and I love not the man who can look without emotion...

You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age;...

You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age;...

That awkward moment when you come home from school, look in the mirror and are...

That awkward moment when you come home from school, look in the mirror and are...

Andy: Look at our love fern! It's dead! Ben: No it's only sleeping.

Andy: Look at our love fern! It's dead! Ben: No it's only sleeping.

Nature, our father and mother, gave us all we have got. The state, our elder...

Nature, our father and mother, gave us all we have got. The state, our elder...

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one...

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is...

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is...

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people...

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people...

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.

Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter...

Go, write it in a martial hand; be curst and brief; it is no matter...