Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Quote by Somerset Maugham
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.
I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...
Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no...
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...
I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...
When the authorities warn you of the dangers of having sex, there is an important...
Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm...
In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...
In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
I'm not interested in age. People who tell me their age are silly. You're as...
A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
O loss of sight, of thee I most complain! Blind among enemies, O worse than...
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.
Joan Collins unfortunately can't be with us tonight. She's busy attending the birth of her...
Every age needs men who will redeem the time by living with a vision of...
Up, sluggard, and waste not life; in the grave will be sleeping enough.