When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Quote by Emo Philips

Topics: Luck Quotes

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and...

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and...

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to...

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away

I never did very well in mathI could never seem to persuade the teacher that...

I never did very well in mathI could never seem to persuade the teacher that...

Theres one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your...

Theres one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as nice as your...

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about...

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear.

I see L.A. as a beautiful blonde with dirty underwear.

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

The execs don't care what color you are. They care about how much money you...

The execs don't care what color you are. They care about how much money you...

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed...

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too...

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too...

When I was taught truth, that's when I got my freedom.

When I was taught truth, that's when I got my freedom.