When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

Quote by Oscar Levant

Topics: Books Quotes, Funny Quotes

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

So little time and so little to do.

So little time and so little to do.

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the...

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the...

I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.

I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it...

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us...

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us...

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to...

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to...

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it...

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

So little time, so little to do

So little time, so little to do

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the...

I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the...

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.