When I can't sleep, I read a book by Steve Allen.

Quote by Oscar Levant

Topics: Books Quotes, Funny Quotes

I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the...

I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the...

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us...

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us...

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us...

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us...

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

So little time, so little to do

So little time, so little to do

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

I'm a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

I'm a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision.

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it...

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

I don't drink; I don't like it - it makes me feel good.

I don't drink; I don't like it - it makes me feel good.

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind...

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind...