The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Funny Quotes, Writers Quotes

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

I really can't deny it, I am who I am. I'm pretty normal. I'm not...

I really can't deny it, I am who I am. I'm pretty normal. I'm not...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

The more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are...

The more I look around and listen I realize that I'm not alone. We are...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow.

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow.

Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and...

Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and...

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's...

I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's...

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, youre...

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, youre...

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.

When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.

Russia, France, Germany and China. They revere their writers. America is still a frontier country...

Russia, France, Germany and China. They revere their writers. America is still a frontier country...