The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Funny Quotes, Writers Quotes

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her...

A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her...

Love has no age, no limit; and no death.

Love has no age, no limit; and no death.

Second to agriculture, humbug is the biggest industry of our age.

Second to agriculture, humbug is the biggest industry of our age.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

This New Years, I'm going to party like Maury just told me I'm not the...

This New Years, I'm going to party like Maury just told me I'm not the...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for...

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for...

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.

A bad manner spoils everything, even reason and justice; a good one supplies everything, gilds...

A bad manner spoils everything, even reason and justice; a good one supplies everything, gilds...

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare...

Compatible: Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet.

Compatible: Your money fits in the salesperson's wallet.

Youth is not measured by the age of a person, but by the curiosity a...

Youth is not measured by the age of a person, but by the curiosity a...

Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the spirits of things.

Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the spirits of things.

As a male writer, women are always what men pursue, and their world is always...

As a male writer, women are always what men pursue, and their world is always...