There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Funny Quotes, Writers Quotes

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I used to keep my college room mate from reading my personal mail by hiding...

I used to keep my college room mate from reading my personal mail by hiding...

I think my fans will follow me into our combined old age. Real musicians and...

I think my fans will follow me into our combined old age. Real musicians and...

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

At times is it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at...

At times is it seems that I am living my life backward, and that at...

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Age steals away all things, even the mind.

Age steals away all things, even the mind.

A girl shuld be two things classy and fabulous.

A girl shuld be two things classy and fabulous.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of...

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get...

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get...

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

When you become senile, you won't know it.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked...

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked...

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

You can construct the character of a man and his age not only from what...

You can construct the character of a man and his age not only from what...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

People Change. Love Hurts. Everything Changed. But remember that life goes on...

People Change. Love Hurts. Everything Changed. But remember that life goes on...