There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.

Quote by Somerset Maugham

Topics: Funny Quotes, Writers Quotes

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

I made up my mind long ago that life was too short to do anything...

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

The trouble with young writers is that they are all in their sixties.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

Second to agriculture, humbug is the biggest industry of our age.

Second to agriculture, humbug is the biggest industry of our age.

Greatness is the dream of youth realized in old age.

Greatness is the dream of youth realized in old age.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the...

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take...

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take...

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Age appears to be best in four things, - old wood best to burn, old...

Age appears to be best in four things, - old wood best to burn, old...

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.

Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.

Gainfully unemployed, very proud of it, too.

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....

Sometimes when my internet is down I forget the rest of my computer still works....

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...

There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it...

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

We tried not to age, but Time had its rage.

We tried not to age, but Time had its rage.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face...

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face...

As writers become more numerous, it is natural for readers to become more indolent.

As writers become more numerous, it is natural for readers to become more indolent.