The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.
Quote by Johnny Carson
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...
In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow...
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen...
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money
If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam
Marriage is a mutual admiration society where one person is always right, the other is...
Incompatibility: In matrimony, a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.