People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic...

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall...

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall...

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the...

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for...

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you...

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you...

The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The...

The weather here is gorgeous. It's mild and feels like it's in the eighties. The...