I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are...

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for...

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham...

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a...

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a...

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...

Like a midwife, I make my living bringing new babies into the world, except that...

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last