I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these...

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has...

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage...

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage...

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham...

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham...

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need the advice.

Depend not on fortune, but on conduct.

Depend not on fortune, but on conduct.

Advice is judged by results, not by intentions

Advice is judged by results, not by intentions