People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want to be funny. I'm a comedian, not a political thinker. We're changing the world one factual error at a time.

Quote by Stephen Colbert

Topics: Comedy Quotes

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier...

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts...

Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

As God said to Job, Checkmate

As God said to Job, Checkmate

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently...

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently...

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red,...

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. Whats wrong with red,...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...