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You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently...

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He...

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Believe in me, cause I don't believe in anything, and I wanna be someone to...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the...

Humor can help you cope with the unbearable so that you can stay on the...

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls...

Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls...