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Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of...

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of...

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you...

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you...

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence

Middle age ends and senescence begins, The day your descendants outnumber your friends.

Middle age ends and senescence begins, The day your descendants outnumber your friends.

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Door: What a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick...

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick...

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as...

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as...

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they...

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they...

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think their children are naïve.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think their children are naïve.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -...

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -...

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an...

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an...

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to...

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to...

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that...

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that...

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you...

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you...

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless...

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless...

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we...

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we...

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.