Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for...

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in...

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks...

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including:* Both of your socks...

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about...

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about...

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not...

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish...

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...