Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.

Quote by Jack Handey

Topics: Love Quotes

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking...

It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking...

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came...

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came...

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the...

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all...

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is...

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is...

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I...

Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I...

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out...

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out...

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a...

A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a...

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay...

If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my...

The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my...

Hope is the dream of the waking man.

Hope is the dream of the waking man.

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.