It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Quote by Lewis Grizzard

Topics: Lewis Grizzard Quotes

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems,...

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems,...

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never...

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never...

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to...

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like...

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like...

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying...

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never...

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope...

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope...

On a scale of Voldemort to Pinocchio, how Nosy are you?

On a scale of Voldemort to Pinocchio, how Nosy are you?

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer...

An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula....

Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula....

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember...

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist...

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist...

I've loved science fiction ever since I was a little kid, mainly from looking at...

I've loved science fiction ever since I was a little kid, mainly from looking at...

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Never let an angry sister comb your hair.

Among the notable things about fire is that it also requires oxygen to burn -...

Among the notable things about fire is that it also requires oxygen to burn -...