It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Quote by George F Burns

Topics: Drinkingtes Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good...

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when...

At my age flowers scare me.

At my age flowers scare me.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only...

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

People are always asking me when Im going to retire. Why should I? Ive got...

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my...

That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my...

Money is everywhere but so is poetry. What we lack are the poets.

Money is everywhere but so is poetry. What we lack are the poets.

Money makes a man laugh

Money makes a man laugh

Love is just a system for getting someone to call you darling after sex

Love is just a system for getting someone to call you darling after sex