In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist. I was always being suspended.
Quote by Tom Guntorius
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but...
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...
The early bird gets the worm. The early worm...gets eaten.
For my high colestorol my doctor prescribed me a boyfriend.
Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed....
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
A woman has the age she deserves.
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...
Congratulate yourselves if you have done something strange and extravagant and broken the monotony of...
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.
There must be a law against forcing children to perform at an early age. Children...
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Age considers; youth ventures.
In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it...
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal...
I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms...
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they...
The next best thing to being witty is to quote another's wit.
Dear teacher, I talk no matter where I am. Moving my seat will not help.