In school I was never the class clown, but more the class trapeze artist. I was always being suspended.

Quote by Tom Guntorius

Topics: Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand,...

Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand,...

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone...

I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Every time I see something terrible, it's like I see it at age 19. I...

Every time I see something terrible, it's like I see it at age 19. I...

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

In my country we go to prison first and then become President .

In my country we go to prison first and then become President .

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Responsibility for learning belongs to the student, regardless of age.

Responsibility for learning belongs to the student, regardless of age.

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to...

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her...

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her...

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and...

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and...

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the...

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...

Putting makeup on will not make people like you. Maybe you should eat makeup so...

Putting makeup on will not make people like you. Maybe you should eat makeup so...

Learning without thought is labour lost; thought without learning is perilous.

Learning without thought is labour lost; thought without learning is perilous.