In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Funny Quotes

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I...

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time...

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time...

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

The closest I ever came to a menage-a-trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

It's so great to find that one special person You want to annoy for the...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears...

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

Youth is a silly, vapid state, Old age with fears and ills is rife; This...

Youth is a silly, vapid state, Old age with fears and ills is rife; This...

The parents age must be remembered, both for joy and anxiety.

The parents age must be remembered, both for joy and anxiety.

You will recognize, my boy, the first sign of age: it is when you go...

You will recognize, my boy, the first sign of age: it is when you go...