If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

Quote by Bobcat Goldthwait

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien...

Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien...

Each age has deemed the new-born year. The fittest time for festal cheer.

Each age has deemed the new-born year. The fittest time for festal cheer.

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the...

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the...

Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to...

Last time I saw him he tried to murder me. But when you're trying to...

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

The most important function of the university in an age of reason is to protect...

The most important function of the university in an age of reason is to protect...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his...

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his...

Just at the age 'twixt boy and youth, When thought is speech, and speech is...

Just at the age 'twixt boy and youth, When thought is speech, and speech is...

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it...

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it...

You, you, and you... panic. The rest of you, come with me.

You, you, and you... panic. The rest of you, come with me.

Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach...

Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach...

If my mom reads that I'm grammatically incorrect, I'll have hell to pay.

If my mom reads that I'm grammatically incorrect, I'll have hell to pay.

Reasonable people can differ

Reasonable people can differ

People before the public live an imagined life in the thought of others, and flourish...

People before the public live an imagined life in the thought of others, and flourish...