If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.

Quote by Larry Gelbart

Topics: Television Quotes

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.

Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Most jokes state a bitter truth

Most jokes state a bitter truth

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.

The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks....

X-rays will prove to be a hoax

X-rays will prove to be a hoax

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if...

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less...

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less...

3 blonds were driving to Disney World: The sign said 'Disney World Left,' so they...

3 blonds were driving to Disney World: The sign said 'Disney World Left,' so they...

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked...

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least...

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.