Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.

Quote by Larry Gelbart

Topics: Television Quotes

If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.

If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Today's audience knows more about what's on television than what's in life.

Most jokes state a bitter truth

Most jokes state a bitter truth

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi...

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke...

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke...

That moment when you say something and everyone laughs, so you just sit there like...

That moment when you say something and everyone laughs, so you just sit there like...

A book does not make bad jokes, drink too much or eat more than you...

A book does not make bad jokes, drink too much or eat more than you...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at...

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk-dancing.

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her...

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her...

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

I was doing some decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang...

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into...