If I wanted to have wooden sex with strings attached I'd get married. In reference to the movie Team America in which puppets appear to have sex.

Quote by Bill Maher

Topics: Movies Quotes

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says...

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence...

The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence...

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will...

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will...

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he...

Things aren't right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he...

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what...

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the...

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the...

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the...

Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the...

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich...

This is a ridiculous heat wave we're in right now, and to contribute, Newt Gingrich...