I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

Quote by Tom Waits

Topics: Tom Waits Quotes

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.

The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away.

Their memory's like a train: you can see it getting smaller as it pulls away...

Their memory's like a train: you can see it getting smaller as it pulls away...

I admit that I ain't no angel, I admit that I ain't no saint-- I'm...

I admit that I ain't no angel, I admit that I ain't no saint-- I'm...

I'm just trying to make a buck like everyone else.

I'm just trying to make a buck like everyone else.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

The piano has been drinking, not me.

It's hard to win when you always lose.

It's hard to win when you always lose.

Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk.

Don't you know there ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk.

I'm so horny the crack of dawn better watch out.

I'm so horny the crack of dawn better watch out.

The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

George Bush is a fan of mine, he came to see me in the Seventies....

George Bush is a fan of mine, he came to see me in the Seventies....

Their memory's like a train: you can see it getting smaller as it pulls away...

Their memory's like a train: you can see it getting smaller as it pulls away...

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean.... Against bars, tables, chairs, and...

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

For a quart of Ale is a meal for a King.

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Here's to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep...

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Put it back in the horse! [on tasting his first American beer].

Age: that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still...

Age: that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still...