I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

Quote by Billy Connolly

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of...

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America...

The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America...

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,...

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,...

Her parthenogenetic birth from Adam's body makes Eve his daughter so that the Judeo-Christian tradition...

Her parthenogenetic birth from Adam's body makes Eve his daughter so that the Judeo-Christian tradition...

First of all, the Jewish religion has a great deal in common with the Christian...

First of all, the Jewish religion has a great deal in common with the Christian...