Quotes by Billy Connolly

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

#Funny, #Parents

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

#Funny, #Jokes

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

#Funny, #Jokes

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

#Funny, #Jokes

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

#Funny, #Money

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

#Women

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

#Parents

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

#Famous

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

#Marriage

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

#Marriage

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

#Billy Connolly

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

#Billy Connolly