I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

Quote by Garry Shandling

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me...

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me...

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because...

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because...

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet....

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet....

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but...

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry...

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot...

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot...

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...