I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

Quote by Garry Shandling

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe...

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

After making love I said to my girl, Was it good for you too? And...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show...

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

I don't know how to ground myself without the other actor present.

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because...

I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because...

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And...

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And...

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...