I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

Quote by Garry Shandling

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show...

First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up...

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

Because I am afraid of commitment. This movie certainly has some bearing and is some...

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you...

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest.

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

Im too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe...

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night...

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I am pretty tenacious as a perfectionist in terms of getting something right.

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I...

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And...

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And...

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has...

I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life,...

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.

I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green.