I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Major Holidays Quotes

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a...

The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a...

The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and...

The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and...

In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she...

In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she...

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry...

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry...

Without some goal and some effort to reach it, no one can live.

Without some goal and some effort to reach it, no one can live.

I would say that the surest measure of a man's or a woman's maturity is...

I would say that the surest measure of a man's or a woman's maturity is...