I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Major Holidays Quotes

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and...

It is unthinkable for a Frenchman to arrive at middle age without having syphilis and...

Starbucks really isn't that expensive...after you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup.

Starbucks really isn't that expensive...after you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup.

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...

I said to the wife, Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the...