I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Quote by Henry Youngman

Topics: Major Holidays Quotes

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the...

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need; if I die by four O'clock.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

So I said, 'Where do you want to go for your anniversary?' She said: 'I...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my...

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

To all the students who drop out and failed high school: Remember two things; 1)...

To all the students who drop out and failed high school: Remember two things; 1)...

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the...

Do you know the difference between education and experience? Education is when you read the...

If a child can't learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way...

If a child can't learn the way we teach, maybe we should teach the way...