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The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House....

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House....

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a...

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a...

They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make...

They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make...

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having...

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having...

I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure...

I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure...

If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend...

If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend...

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was.

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

Some Harvard guy said that acid would open our minds, pot wouldn't hurt us, and...

Some Harvard guy said that acid would open our minds, pot wouldn't hurt us, and...

With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying....

With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying....

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just...

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just...

I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I...

I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I...

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so...

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so...

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

I have three daughters. I wanted them to be raised where there are real seasons...

I have three daughters. I wanted them to be raised where there are real seasons...

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an...

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an...

Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it...

Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it...

It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if...

It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if...