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I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an...

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an...

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Some Harvard guy said that acid would open our minds, pot wouldn't hurt us, and...

Some Harvard guy said that acid would open our minds, pot wouldn't hurt us, and...

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just...

The first thing that happens is that you're overwhelmed by so much attention. It's just...

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it...

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it...

With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying....

With Clinton, there's no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying....

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was.

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was.

It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.

It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.

They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make...

They can't make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make...

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a...

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a...

It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if...

It's never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if...

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House....

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn't want him in the White House....

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having...

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having...

I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I...

I tell the person I won't take a picture or sign the autograph, but I...

If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend...

If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend...

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if...

We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if...

Most of the films I've done were ruined in the postproduction, not during filming.

Most of the films I've done were ruined in the postproduction, not during filming.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure...

I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure...