I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
Quote by Eric Sykes
A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now...
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but...
Nature is always behind the age.
Your lordship, though not clean past your youth, have yet some smack of age in...
The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...
There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen...
You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age;...
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a...
All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
Take hold of this (charm) that subjects to immortality (life), may thy life unto old...
The experience of each new age requires a new confession, and the world seems always...
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of...
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...
Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.