I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day I got another one for the other side of the bed.

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it...

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it...

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with the internet.

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower...

I probably could stand a chance on American Idol if I could bring my shower...

Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking,...

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking,...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny...

Friends are like condoms. They are always there to protect you when things get hard.

Friends are like condoms. They are always there to protect you when things get hard.

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in...

That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

Dear guy on the dance floor 'Raising the roof,' you're not raising your chances of...

Dear guy on the dance floor 'Raising the roof,' you're not raising your chances of...

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing...

I lose all respect for myself when I bite my own tongue. I've been chewing...

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't...

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't...

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at...

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at...

No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop...

No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop...