I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day I got another one for the other side of the bed.

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my...

Dear Face Wash Commercials, nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my...

When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a...

When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order...

I've always wanted to get into a cab and yell, 'Follow that car!!!'

I've always wanted to get into a cab and yell, 'Follow that car!!!'

My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So...

My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So...

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

I'll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go...

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but...

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but...

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think,...

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think,...

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

If strippers can be called exotic dancers, then drug dealers should be called exotic pharmacist.

I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms...

I love how when my soap runs out in the shower, my shampoo magically transforms...

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the...

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the...

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles...

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles...

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at...

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at...

Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what...

Does anyone have that light switch in their house that they really don't know what...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...