I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Quote by Billy Connolly

Topics: Billy Connolly Quotes

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,...

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriages are made in heaven and are consummated on earth.

Marriages are made in heaven and are consummated on earth.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

The most dangerous food is wedding cake

The most dangerous food is wedding cake