I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.

Quote by Billy Connolly

Topics: Billy Connolly Quotes

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture...

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of...

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly...

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...