Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

Quote by Billy Connolly

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I...

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,...

It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god,...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly...

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly...

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's...

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's...

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.