Honey, what's the point of being in the suburbs if you're not going to f**k a gardener?

Quote by Samantha Jones

Topics: Samantha Jones Quotes

Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

Can we cut the cake? I have a three-way to go to.

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh grade picture taken.

No one thinks it's narcissistic when you get your seventh grade picture taken.

Yes ladies. I am a lesbian.

Yes ladies. I am a lesbian.

The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what...

The country runs better with a good looking man in the White House. Look what...

All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

All we ever do is lie around, take baths together and talk about feelings.

I take offense at that generalisation. Not all women sit around and obsess about men,...

I take offense at that generalisation. Not all women sit around and obsess about men,...

A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first...

A guy can just as easily dump you if you fuck him on the first...

Well, its tedious and the sex is dwindeling, so from what I've heard, yes!

Well, its tedious and the sex is dwindeling, so from what I've heard, yes!

I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.

Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

Hey, you almost masturbated, he almost got it up, together you almost had sex.

I'm paying a fortune to live in a neighbouhood that's trendy by day and trannie...

I'm paying a fortune to live in a neighbouhood that's trendy by day and trannie...

Last night, I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to...

Last night, I could not stop thinking about a Big Mac. I finally had to...

Transexuals. Chicks with d**ks. Boobs on top, balls down below.

Transexuals. Chicks with d**ks. Boobs on top, balls down below.

I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once.

All married couples stop having sex eventually.

All married couples stop having sex eventually.

Hello, 911? I'm on fire.

Hello, 911? I'm on fire.

For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big,throbbing, rock...

For the last time, the only thing I like about Richard is his big,throbbing, rock...

Be damn sure before you get off the ferris wheel, because there are twenty-two perky...

Be damn sure before you get off the ferris wheel, because there are twenty-two perky...

Hi, my name is Samantha and I am a love-aholic

Hi, my name is Samantha and I am a love-aholic

I spent the last two hours f**king with no finale.

I spent the last two hours f**king with no finale.