Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Quote by Larry David

Topics: Larry David Quotes

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline...

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of...

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of...

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good...

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good...

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home...

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to...

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That...

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That...

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at...

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at...

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name,...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to...

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three...

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that...

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that...

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want,...