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I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and...

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of...

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family...

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family...

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to...

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to...

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you...

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you...

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you...

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you...

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming...

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming...

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little...

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little...

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked...

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked...

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...