Dear Google Maps, your estimated time of arrival is my time to beat.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Internet Quotes

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he...

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried...

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried...

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...

Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be...

Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be...

In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the...

In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the...

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his...

In an age when man has forgotten his origins and is blind even to his...

The political machine triumphs because it is a united minority acting against a divided majority.

The political machine triumphs because it is a united minority acting against a divided majority.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did...

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the...

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the...

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.

Perhaps middle-age is, or should be, a period of shedding shells; the shell of ambition,...

Perhaps middle-age is, or should be, a period of shedding shells; the shell of ambition,...

A push up bra is like a bag of chips; you open the bag and...

A push up bra is like a bag of chips; you open the bag and...

Doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he...

Doth not the appetite alter? A man loves the meat in his youth that he...

I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...

I will never give in to old age until I become old. And I'm not...

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet...

Some people can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet...

What is a Web year now, about three months? And when people can browse around,...

What is a Web year now, about three months? And when people can browse around,...