Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.

Quote by Lenny Bruce

Topics: Cats Quotes, Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

Communism is like one big phone company.

Communism is like one big phone company.

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to...

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to...

Communism is like one big phone company.

Communism is like one big phone company.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of...

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of...

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake...

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake...

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little...

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little...

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it...

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it...

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil,...

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil,...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little...

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little...

There are never enough I Love You's.

There are never enough I Love You's.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.