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Topics: Funny Quotes, Insults Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Witty Quotes

It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays.

It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few...

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few...

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

I am of a healthy long lived race, and our minds improve with age.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Dont go looking for pancakes when you have flapjacks at home.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Women are not forgiven for aging. Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

Women are not forgiven for aging. Robert Redford's lines of distinction are my old-age wrinkles.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when...

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when...

I like marriage. The idea.

I like marriage. The idea.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999...

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

I've got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: Hello,...

Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are...

Love is a state in which a man sees things most decidedly as they are...

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

Whatever insults my State insults me.

Whatever insults my State insults me.

You speak an infinite deal of nothing.

You speak an infinite deal of nothing.

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't...

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.