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Topics: Funny Quotes, Insults Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Witty Quotes

My boyfriend's name is sleep and I get some every night.

My boyfriend's name is sleep and I get some every night.

Hes a guy who gets up at six oclock in the morning regardless of what...

Hes a guy who gets up at six oclock in the morning regardless of what...

He to whom the present is the only thing that is present, knows nothing of...

He to whom the present is the only thing that is present, knows nothing of...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Always remember this: A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes...

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

Drunks do not have friends, but accomplices.

When I was young, I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the...

When I was young, I said to God, 'God, tell me the mystery of the...

The most common cause of fear of old age is associated with the possibility of...

The most common cause of fear of old age is associated with the possibility of...

I wrote the word debauchery, but when I re-read it, I thought I had written...

I wrote the word debauchery, but when I re-read it, I thought I had written...

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.

The path of least resistance is the path of the loser.

The path of least resistance is the path of the loser.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, disposable.

Old age is not a joy, but death is not a gain.

Old age is not a joy, but death is not a gain.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want...

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

Someone asked someone who was about my age: How are you? The answer was, Fine....

Someone asked someone who was about my age: How are you? The answer was, Fine....

Old age, especially an honoured old age, has so great authority, that this is of...

Old age, especially an honoured old age, has so great authority, that this is of...

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee.

You might as well just move onto a boat because you're always fishing for compliments.

You might as well just move onto a boat because you're always fishing for compliments.

Wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.