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Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.

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Don't have sex, cause you will get pregnant and die.

I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

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I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

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Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright, Until you hear them...

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Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright, Until you hear them...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

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I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

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If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

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Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status....

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Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status....

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

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A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

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The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then...

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then...

Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can...

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Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can...

I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

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I want your ugly I want your disease I want your love love I want...

New love is so beautiful, time just makes it ugly

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New love is so beautiful, time just makes it ugly