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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

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A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron

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I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best,...

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It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best,...

What exactly does expression mean "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?

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What exactly does expression mean

Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

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You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

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It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. if you...

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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. if you...

I'm sorry.. I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I...

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I'm sorry.. I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I...

Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

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Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

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When life knocks you down, roll over, and look at the stars.

Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about

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Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do

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The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do

A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear.

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A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear.