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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

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The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

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Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

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Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to the their level and...

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to the their level and...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

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When I hired you I knew you were insane I will continue to try and...

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

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Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

Hoping you will kiss the boy you like on New Year's Eve.

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Hoping you will kiss the boy you like on New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year 2014!

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Happy New Year 2014!