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The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

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The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

Thing is, hope's for sissies.

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Thing is, hope's for sissies.

The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

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It's great to have someone in your life who makes you hate yourself a little...

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

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A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

On the 12th of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11...

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On the 12th of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11...

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

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You spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum? Welcome to the Carribbean love.

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

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Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

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If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

Happy New Year! Years come and go but what will remain unchanged is my feelings...

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Happy New Year! Years come and go but what will remain unchanged is my feelings...

Happy New Year 2014!

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Happy New Year 2014!