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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

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The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

Thing is, hope's for sissies.

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Thing is, hope's for sissies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies..

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A black cat crossing your path signifies..

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

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Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they’re killing living...

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

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The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get

I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

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I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

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Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

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It symbolize that she's my property and I own her

There is a reason it's called "Girls gone wild" and NOT "Women gone wild". When...

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There is a reason it's called

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

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Would you like some aloe vera? You just got burned!

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

Don't Panic.Organize!

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Don't Panic.Organize!

Would I rather be feared or loved. Easy, both. I want people to be afraid...

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Would I rather be feared or loved. Easy, both. I want people to be afraid...

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

Happy New Year 2014!

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Happy New Year 2014!

You’re supposed to let go of the past and start off new. You’re supposed to...

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You’re supposed to let go of the past and start off new. You’re supposed to...