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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

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I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them 'Actually, I have...

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The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them 'Actually, I have...

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

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The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

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Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

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The only reason Debra keeps me alive it to open jars and kill bugs.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

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What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...

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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

I want to breed a dog called 'SnickerDoodle'. I've got the 'oodle' part covered

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I want to breed a dog called 'SnickerDoodle'. I've got the 'oodle' part covered

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out...

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If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out...

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every...

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every...

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.