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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

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I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

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Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have...

A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

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A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she...

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

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As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot

The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

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The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

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I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be...

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Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be...

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

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It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I...

He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

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He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

When nothing goes right.... go left.

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When nothing goes right.... go left.

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

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Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

If you're good at something Never Do it for free

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If you're good at something Never Do it for free

How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say "Get...

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How do you ask a girl out? Simple. You open the door and say

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

There is a reason it's called "Girls gone wild" and NOT "Women gone wild". When...

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There is a reason it's called

There's more to life than beer, but who cares

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There's more to life than beer, but who cares

As the New Year approaches us with hopes anew, here is to wishing you and...

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As the New Year approaches us with hopes anew, here is to wishing you and...

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

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New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

I am too positive to be doubtful too optimistic to be fearful and too determined...

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I am too positive to be doubtful too optimistic to be fearful and too determined...

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

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Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.