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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A...

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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A...

I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

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I played Santa Claus many times, if you don't believe it, check out the divorce...

Humor is reason gone mad.

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Humor is reason gone mad.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

A black cat crossing your path signifies..

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A black cat crossing your path signifies..

I was married by a judge,I should asked for a jury

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I was married by a judge,I should asked for a jury

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

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You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a...

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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a...

A lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained.

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A lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

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There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

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Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could

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Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

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Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.

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Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.

I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or...

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I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or...

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

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Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb...

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Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb...

Books are mirrors: you only see in them what you already have inside you.

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Books are mirrors: you only see in them what you already have inside you.