It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

Quote by Richard Jeni

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said,...

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom.

Old age has a great sense of calm and freedom.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to...

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to...

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

A question that sometimes drives me hazy: am I or are the others crazy?

There's no such thing as old age, there is only sorrow.

There's no such thing as old age, there is only sorrow.

That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present.

That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present.

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points

We prefer world law, in the age of self-determination, to world war in the age...

We prefer world law, in the age of self-determination, to world war in the age...

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be...

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be...

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to...

There is absolutely nothing to be said in favour of growing old. There ought to...

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabetsoup?

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabetsoup?

School is pointless! English: We speak it. History: They're dead, get over it. Math: 1+1...

School is pointless! English: We speak it. History: They're dead, get over it. Math: 1+1...

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

Families with babies, and families without babies are sorry for each other.

Families with babies, and families without babies are sorry for each other.

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...

Roger Ebert has had his right thumb trademarked. Now the police will actually have to...

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the...

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the...

Middle Age - Later than you think and sooner than you expect.

Middle Age - Later than you think and sooner than you expect.

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed...

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed...