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I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and...

I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and...

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the...

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the...

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school,...

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school,...

It's funny because it's funny.

It's funny because it's funny.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they...

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they...

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you...

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you...

I have no detectable hair style.

I have no detectable hair style.

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school,...

,

In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school,...

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can...

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can...

It's so crazy in Hollywood.

It's so crazy in Hollywood.

My career is just kind of crazy.

My career is just kind of crazy.

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is...

There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is...

To be famous and broke is hard.

To be famous and broke is hard.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.

When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred...

When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred...