Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the...
A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the...
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
A girl shuld be two things classy and fabulous.
The most minor gifts and not a very high class way to earn a living....
The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth.
By the worldly standards of public life, all scholars in their work are of course...
People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing our grammatical way of life.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a...
My inner child is not wounded.
This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar...
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Our age knows nothing but reaction, and leaps from one extreme to another.
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the...
I heard you're good in algebra, can you replace my 'X' without asking 'Y?'
The essence of mathematics is not to make simple things complicated, but to make complicated...
I hate being tired in school and thinking 'I'm going to take a nap as...
That awkward silence after a teacher yells at a student.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.