Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished fraud perpetrated on the American public by such companies as Enron, Global Crossing, Tyco and Adelphia, we finally got the ringleader. Maybe now we can…

Quote by Jon Stewart

Topics: Army Quotes, Homosexuality Quotes

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably...

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts...

And then you've got Lieberman, who is for the war. And thinks the tax cuts...

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of...

President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of...

The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion...

The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion...

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

We'd always sworn, we're taking 60 Minutes down. You, Frontline, all you guys. You're meat.

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

But we are at war, and we here at THE DAILY SHOW will do our...

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is...

You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

Yes! Finally captured Martha Stewart. You know, with all the massive and almost completely unpunished...

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy....

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy....

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads...

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

Insomnia is my greatest inspiration.

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

GOP strategists hope the revelation of Kerry's wealth might debunk his status as a, quote,...

This way of life is worth defending.

This way of life is worth defending.

The terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States - and war is...

The terrorists and their supporters declared war on the United States - and war is...

We must retool our nation to prepare for the challenge we already face to maintain...

We must retool our nation to prepare for the challenge we already face to maintain...