Why can't the Morning News ever say 'Today has been canceled...go back to sleep.'

Topics: Funny Quotes, Good Morning Quotes

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by...

Information is the oxygen of the modern age. It seeps through the walls topped by...

Weekends don't pay as well as weekdays but at least there's football.

Weekends don't pay as well as weekdays but at least there's football.

The excess of our youth are checks written against our age and they are payable...

The excess of our youth are checks written against our age and they are payable...

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the...

A word to the wise ain't necessary -- it's the stupid ones that need the...

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years...

I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years...

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

I am about to go Tebow on my Monday.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.

Sickness is the vengeance of nature for the violation of her laws.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember...

I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time.

I've developed a new philosophy...I only dread one day at a time.

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

I was always too mature for my age - and not very happy. I had...

I was always too mature for my age - and not very happy. I had...

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the...

As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the...

The newer people, of this modern age, are more eager to amass than to realize.

The newer people, of this modern age, are more eager to amass than to realize.

Only in America do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the...

Only in America do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the...

When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...

When entering into a marriage one ought to ask oneself: do you believe you are...

Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.

Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.

Every morning I wake up and thank God.

Every morning I wake up and thank God.

A smile is a way of writing your thoughts on your face, telling others that...

A smile is a way of writing your thoughts on your face, telling others that...